Everything Does Not Happen for a Reason
There is something that I have been thinking about as the year starts that I would like to get off my chest. It’s not a popular perspective so I hope we can still be friends after you read this blog. It’s the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.” Every time I hear someone say this phrase, it makes me feel a little queasy. There are lots of things that happen to people all over the world that cause irreparable harm to them and to suggest that there was a positive reason for these circumstances is cruel in my opinion.
Let’s take my story as an example. Because I have bipolar disorder, I have an interesting life story that I have turned into a memoir (I am looking for an agent so if you know someone, please let them know how much you love my writing and my story), I have a podcast, The Bipolar Disorder Moment, I have this blog, I work as a peer support worker which requires that I have a mental health concern, I have some of the most extraordinary friends who I have met because all of us have bipolar disorder. I have been invited to do speeches that have an element of my lived experience with having a mental illness. None of this is possible unless I have bipolar disorder so does that mean there is a reason for the onset of the illness?
Let’s delve into my story a little deeper. Prior to my first episode, I was living my dream life in Japan. This was abruptly taken away from me after my first manic episode. Trying to find a stable life since has been a struggle. I have spent months on the psychiatric ward in the hospital due to bouts of severe mania and suicidal ideation multiple times. I have been fired from more jobs than I can count. The same is true for the number of times I have had to move because of a lack of stability in my life. Many relationships have ended because of my illness. Everyday, I remember embarrassing and shameful events or behaviours that occurred because I have bipolar disorder. If I sleep 5 hours one night, I have to make sure that this pattern does not last for more than a few days because it could be a sign a manic episode could be starting. I take medication that is sedating so I get tired faster than most people I know. If I have one drink of alcohol it takes three days for me to recover. Because I have had three manic episodes, my memory is so poor that I often introduce myself to people I have already met, I forget important moments in relationships, and I often forget information people share with me about their personal life. There is a bunch of other stuff that sucks because I have bipolar disorder, but I think you get the idea. So, did all of this happen to me for a reason? I hope not.
I do believe positive outcomes can come from adversity. We all know someone who flunked out of an academic endeavor to find their true passion. You need to have a functional level of wellness and basic needs security for the whole, “Everything happens for a reason,” thing to work. I think that there is almost always growth and learning that can come from all experiences in life positive and negative if you have the capacity to look for it. If believing, “Things happen for a reason,” makes you feel better about your life that is great, but when people say this regarding someone else’s life, I think that can be hurtful.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with my life. I have incredible friends and relationships. I have found a relatively recent passion for writing. My work as a peer support worker is amazing, and I have not had a manic episode since 2010. I really wasn’t seeking pity. It is more of a plea to not put the, “Everything happens for a reason,” philosophy in life on people who are suffering. Especially, people who have bipolar disorder. They are likely battling life in ways you do not realize because we have an invisible illness.
So, to everyone out there who has bipolar disorder, I hope you have an amazing year, and you realize you are not alone. There are many of us out here that are struggling just like you are, and we are managing to have a pretty positive life. For the rest of you, I hope you have a joyous New Year for no reason whatsoever.
Allan
P.S. If you are experiencing outrage because of my blog or you found it interesting, please leave a comment below.
I’m outraged that more people aren’t totally offended by the platitude.
Thank you for this article. As always, I appreciate your insight, perspective, and willingness to share your wisdom.
Thank you Becky 🙂
Thanks Allan!
I’ve often doubted that phrase as well. Wishing you the best in 2026 !
Thank you Annette. Have a great New Year!
I have also really hated that phrase so thank you for sharing your thoughts on it! I can think of a few other sayings that irk me along the same lines. Keep sharing your perspective with the world Allan, you have a ton of valuable insight.
Thank you Deanna. I’m glad it resonated with you.
Have preached this for a long time Allan. First of all, one would have to believe that there is “someone out there” who designs our experiences. And secondly that this power designs experiences for us to suffer. Why? So we can learn something? I think not. That would be cruel. Life happens. We have to learn to deal with it the best we can. You have done that.
Thank you for the kind words and your perspective Julia.
Thanks Allan for always openly sharing your insight and reminding us how diverse all of our lives are!
Thank you for all of your support Elaine 🙂
Than you so much for this article Allan and so very true. I have always hated that belief or saying, everything happens for a reason. Good to see your blogs going again.
Thank you Patty. I’m glad it resonated with you.
Glad to hear from you again, Allan. Kath and I often quote Desiderata, which says, “… the Universe is unfolding as it should.” We find this a way of helping to accept that whatever has happened, good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, cannot be undone. It just is, and we must first accept it if we are going to move forward effectively with our lives. You have expressed acceptance of your own situation, and made the best of it, in part by sharing with us, and the world! I agree that attaching a ‘reason’ to what happens is completely arbitrary and personal. Appreciate your perspective, as usual. Happy New Year to you!
That’s very interesting Andre. Thank you for sharing that and Happy New Year to you too
Allan , it is exceptional how you have come along ways since 2010
You are an excellent writer, speaker, and coach, Keep up the good work.
Thank you Dad. That’s very kind and means a lot to me.