Imagine walking down the road and as you stroll past one block you have a career, a spouse, money, and friends and then by the end of the second block you have none of these things. In their place, you receive the ire of people who are angry, afraid, or frustrated with you. This example is similar to what some people with bipolar disorder may experience within a couple of months.

A severe depressive episode can leave you unable to perform your duties at work causing loss of employment, resulting in financial problems that lead to trouble in your marriage ultimately ending your relationship.  A manic episode might cause you to overspend, have an affair, or your colleagues and friends may become fearful of you because of your psychosis. This can all lead to a loss of relationships with friends, colleagues, family members and spouses and all your life savings.

After my last manic episode, I had this level of loss. It had been the third time it had happened to me. I felt done with life. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried bipolar disorder would never allow me to be happy. I had lost my job, moved to a small town where I did not know anyone, spent all my money and alienated myself from my friends. The depressive episode that followed was so debilitating I rarely got out of bed and my appetite was so poor that I only ate one sausage roll and a glass of orange juice on the good days. Some days, I did not eat at all.

To rebuild my life I received a lot of support from my family. They ensured I had my basic needs met and called me regularly to offer support and encouragement. In addition, I started going to a peer support group that I used to attend regularly at an organization called OBAD. I felt embarrassed that I was manic and extremely obnoxious at the last meeting I went to but when I saw my peers again it was a relief. People were happy to see me and my peers perception of Allan had not been tainted by the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

With the support of the group I was able to gain the emotional resiliency and confidence to move back to Calgary. It was nice to be back in my hometown. I reconnected with friends and being in the city offered me more opportunities to build a healthy routine.

My psychiatrist recommended I look for a volunteer job. When I was a child my grandmother used to bring me to a centre for seniors to have lunch and play badminton called the Kerby Centre. I decided to volunteer there in the Information Department and Volunteer Department. The positions provide structure to my week, a sense of fulfillment and interacting with the appreciative staff creates a positive energy that contributes to my wellness.

I became a facilitator for the meeting at OBAD in 2012. It is amazing to be involved in the recovery of so many extraordinary people and I still learn things from the meetings that I can apply to my own life. It has been my experience that people with bipolar disorder are compassionate, creative and they have an insightful perspective on life. I am grateful for the honor and privilege of working with my peers.

Rebuilding your life after the devastation of an acute episode can seem impossible. Peer support can help because you meet people who have done it which can give you hope. It is an awful and lengthy process that requires self compassion, determination and supports from the ones we love. In the end, it leaves us grateful for a life of stability that includes moments of joy.

Recently, I was hiking with some friends and as we walk through a portion of the trail where pure white snow draped the trees that lined the path, I was in awe of being engulfed in the beauty that surrounded me. It made me reflect on my life and I felt a sense of gratitude that I was able to experience the pleasure of being in nature. There was a time in my life when I believed that a day like that could not happen.

My last manic episode was in 2010. Once it was over, I had spent all my money, lost my job, and several friends. The depressive episode that followed was so debilitating that I spent most of my days in bed with terrible physical pain and horrible negative thoughts bombarded my brain. I was exhausted and I was hardly eating anything. It was the third time that this had happened to me and I could not imagine ever having any kind of existence that was not clouded in misery.

What I have learned since then is that even though you cannot think of a solution to your problems it does not mean that a solution does not exist. I received a great deal of support from my family which kept me going but there were also things that happened that I could not have predicted that helped me get my life back together again.

One day, I was talking to a healthcare professional and he disclosed to me that he had bipolar disorder. I had become so stuck that learning that this person also had bipolar disorder and he had a positive life made me feel better. It gave me a little added strength to carry on.

Around the same time, I ran into a facilitator of a peer support group I used to attend regularly at an organization called OBAD. She encouraged me to come back to the group. Attending the group empowered me to rebuild my life slowly and methodically. In 2012, I became one of the facilitators of the group.

Life is unpredictable. If we continue to do our best and we are open to accepting the support of others there is always hope that things can get better. Now that I have been through these trying times when I experience a beautiful moment it is a little sweeter because I know what it feels like to believe that such a day is an impossibility.