This week’s blog is a podcast interview with Canlearn Society ADHD Coach Laura Godfrey. Laura explains ADHD in detail and we discuss some of the challenges people who have ADHD and bipolar disorder may face.
Author: Allan Cooper (Page 4 of 7)
Thinking about writing about anxiety and bipolar disorder made me feel overwhelmed. I felt like I would have to spend months compiling my experiences and knowledge and consult with several professionals to do the topic justice. Rather than attempting to do this I have chosen to focus on my own experience for this blog.
In my case, it has been a challenge to figure out the difference between the anxiety I have because of bipolar disorder and my anxiety that was borne from life experiences.
In 2010, I had a manic episode that was followed by a severe depressive episode. I felt lifeless. I did not have the energy to shower, get out of bed and I had to force myself to eat. My anxiety was so high that the thought of opening the door to leave my home made my heart race, my throat tighten, and my muscles would ache with dread like they were trying to prevent me from leaving. Once the episode subsided, my anxiety level dropped substantially and leaving my home was not an issue.
When I am not having a depressive episode, I also experience anxiety but the source of it seems to be my life experiences. I know this because I have had psychotherapy to address the issues from my past and my level of anxiety has dropped tremendously.
A couple of years ago, I started experiencing a difficult side effect from an antipsychotic I was taking to help manage my bipolar disorder. My psychiatrist’s assessment of my bipolar disorder at the time was that we could try going off the medication. After being off the medication for about a week, I went to a grocery store and my heart began to race, the muscles in my throat tightened and I felt like I was going to throw up. My anxiety had returned. After describing this experience to my psychiatrist, she put me on a different antipsychotic and my anxiety went back to a manageable level.
These experiences tell me that my anxiety has a bipolar disorder source and a life experiences source. I am not sure where the boundary is between the two or if they are interconnect. I believe that there is a difference because I know psychotherapy alone would not have helped me recover from the anxiety I experienced during my last severe depressive episode or when I was taken off my antipsychotic. I do not believe that medication could have helped the anxiety I suffer from because of some of the experiences I have had in my life.
There are a wide range of approaches available to deal with issues with anxiety. These include mindfulness, a life practice that grounds you in the present moment and includes meditation, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a form of therapy that helps you address negative thought patterns, and there are different types of therapy to address issues from the past. In terms of medication, there is a range of approaches psychiatrists can take based on their assessment of their patients’ needs.
Addressing anxiety issues for people who have bipolar disorder is complex and it takes the expertise of a psychiatrist to be able to tease out the source of the problem and the most effective way to treat it. It is one of the most debilitating aspects of having bipolar disorder for many of us but there is a range of strategies, therapies, and medications available that can facilitate a better life for people who struggle with it.
If you have bipolar disorder and you are not sleeping very much and you feel fantastic that is a problem. This can be the first sign of the start of hypomania or even full-blown mania. If a person in this state does not receive medication to help them sleep this can increase the intensity of the episode which could potentially lead to psychosis. For this reason, many people who have bipolar disorder are prescribed medication to help them sleep.
I used to struggle with falling asleep at night. When I went to bed, I would feel too sleepy and exhausted to do anything, but I would not fall unconscious into a restful slumber. I would lay in bed for an hour or so before drifting off to sleep and I would wake up several times throughout the night. I tried to stick to sleep hygiene practices like no screen time two hours before bed, regular exercise, reserving the bedroom for sleep only, staying out of bed unless I felt sleepy and having a warm bath before bedtime. None of it worked.
This is a common problem for people who have bipolar disorder. I believe this is because we tend to have a constant stream of thoughts that are so stimulating that they keep us awake at night. These thoughts can include things like future writing projects, an underachieving hockey team, and theories about life and politics. They are great for artistic pursuits, problem solving and other cognitive challenges, but they are problematic when you just want to rest.
I realized I needed to find a way to occupy my brain with something mildly interesting but not stimulating if I wanted to be able to sleep at night. I started listening to an old radio show from 1948 called Our Miss Brooks. The show is a comedy about a sarcastic teacher who is beloved by her students and has a crush on the biology teacher. It was amusing enough to occupy my busy brain so that I could fall asleep. Now, I listen to Netflix series repeatedly instead. I do not watch the screen. I just listen to the audio.
Many of the symptoms of bipolar disorder can be grey and different for everyone who has the illness. Sleep is the one thing that almost everyone who has bipolar disorder can use to gauge if they are just having a good day or if they may be hypomanic. Having a personal strategy for getting regular sleep that suits your specific symptoms of bipolar disorder can help prevent the onset of mania and provide the energy required to effectively maintain a self care plan.
A couple of months ago, I had little energy, my thoughts were negative, and I felt sad. I thought it might be the start of a depressive episode, but my psychiatrist told me I was suffering from “Covid Fatigue.” She explained the cumulative effect of the isolation and reduced interaction with people has led to people feeling down but she assured me I was not suffering from the physical symptoms of a bipolar depressive episode.
Had it been a bipolar depressive episode, I would have exercised a little more and made sure I kept eating to combat the poor appetite I experience. Implementing these two strategies prevents my depressive episodes from getting worse and they do not last as long. Although “Covid Fatigue” could lead to poor life choices that could trigger a depressive episode it is a psychological problem which requires a different type of intervention.
The main issue for me has been the impact Covid-I9 has had on my routine. I volunteer at the Kerby Centre, a centre that supports seniors. I find helping seniors rewarding and working with the positive staff fills my emotional need for positive interactions with people. The Kerby Centre is still providing important support to seniors via the phone, online and food delivery but the building is closed which means I am not needed at the moment.
My psychiatrist said we needed to add some activities to my life to help me stay psychologically healthy during the pandemic. After doing some brainstorming we decided that crochet and baking bread would be the answer. It is no coincident that these are two of her favourite activities. I am glad she is not into skeet shooting and gymnastics because I do not think those activities would be a fit for me.
Learning to crochet was frustrating at first but, now I find it relaxing and rewarding. I have made gifts for people which makes me feel good and it is helping me stay positive because my thoughts are occupied by making stitches. When I start to have negative thoughts, I make mistakes which take awhile to fix. Crochet is helping me train myself to focus on the present moment.
In the last few weeks, I have been attempting to make bread and it has been a challenge. My first attempt was edible but very dense. When I added all the flour that the recipe called for the dough became dry and the bread came out crumbly. I talked to a friend who bakes and she told me she just adds flour until the dough ” feels right.” I had no idea how to make dough that “feels right” but after watching a YouTube video I managed to make a loaf of bread I enjoyed eating.
The brain power I used to figure out how to bake bread was a nice break from thinking about life during Covid-l9 and I am still doing crochet. I am grateful that this trying time has given me these two new skills that I will be able to use for the rest of my life. If you would like to add bread making to your repertoire of life skills, I have included the instructions and recipe that I used below.
Executive Director of OBAD, Kaj Korvela, Describes His Personal Experience With Bipolar Mixed States
This week’s blog is a podcast interview with Kaj Korvela, Executive Director of OBAD (The Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorder). Kaj describes his experience with the complex symptoms of bipolar mixed states. The topic of suicidal ideation is mentioned in this podcast. Click on any of the buttons below to listen to my podcast.
The other day, I went for a walk with a friend. We climbed to the top of a hill where we could see the blue sky surrounding the downtown core and the mountains in the distance. I felt gratitude for the cool fresh air in my lungs and the beautiful expanse. You would think I would do this on my own all the time because it makes me feel good, but I don’t.
I have a confession to make. I really enjoy activities that are sedentary. I like to write, play solitaire, watch Netflix and sports. I am not one of those people who wake up early to jog or swim laps. I am more of a wake up late and remain in a cognitive fog until the afternoon kind of guy. I regularly go for walks with friends but rarely on my own. As a result, I can end up staying home wasting time on less meaningful activities which results in me feeling guilty and lethargic.
One of my challenges is I, like many people who have bipolar disorder, have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). People with ADHD have a problem with something called, “Task Initiation.” We struggle when a task requires the completion of multiple steps. A person without ADHD could decide to go for a walk and just leave. If you have ADHD, your thoughts will be like this: “What to wear? Where to go? Runners? Weather? Clothes? Should I leave now? Music? No Music? What time is it? Do I have time? Weather? Do I have time? Clothes? Runners? Jacket? Imagine having all these thoughts without any meaningful division or sequence. It is overwhelming and discouraging.
The other issue is my bipolar disorder makes me feel tired. My medication is sedating, and my version of the illness lowers my energy level. My body is constantly telling me it just wants to rest, and I battle with the urge to remain on the couch all day every day.
To combat these issues, I have decided to try a new strategy to help me go on walks on my own. I have prepared a comprehensive list of every minute step required to leave to go for a walk on my own and I have scheduled it on my calendar. I have downloaded a playlist on my phone that will make my walk on my own more enjoyable. I hope all of this will inspire me to create a positive loop where exercise improves my ADHD symptoms making Task Initiation less of a challenge.
World Bipolar Day takes places tomorrow, March 30th, on the birthday of Vincent Van Gogh who was posthumously diagnosed as probably having bipolar disorder. An initiative of the International Bipolar Foundation (IBPF), the Asian Network of Bipolar Disorder (ANBD) and the International Society for Bipolar Disorder (ISBD) World Bipolar Day is dedicated to raising awareness, creating solidarity of support amongst people who have bipolar disorder and advocating for resources and funding for international initiatives that support research and services for people who have bipolar disorder. For more information on World Bipolar Day consult the official website.
In addition, Crest.Bd will be hosting their AMA (Ask Me Anything) event on Reddit. This online question and answer event will start at 11 am (MST) on Tuesday, March 30th, 2021 and it will continue for forty-eight hours.
To get involved in World Bipolar Day via social media click here. You can also consult the World Bipolar Day Facebook Page.
Making a donation to one of the following organizations that help people who suffer from bipolar disorder is another way to participate in the cause on World Bipolar Day.
The Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorder (OBAD)
The International Bipolar Foundation (IBPF)
The International Society for Bipolar Disorders (ISBD)
If you have a blog or other social media presence, consider posting information and links regarding bipolar disorder and World Bipolar Day.
When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1995, I was embarrassed and ashamed that I had the illness and lived in fear that people would find out I had it. In the last few years, stigma has improved substantially which has allowed me to speak and write about my experience with having bipolar disorder publicly however stigma is still very real. People continue to have issues with unfair treatment by employers, family and friends simply because they have a chronic illness that is often misunderstood. World Bipolar Day is dedicated to an international explosion of awareness, advocacy and fund raising that makes me feel hopeful that people with bipolar disorder will have a better life in the future.
(Just as a little change of pace, this week I am sharing this story that was published in the Kerby News January 2018 edition.)
So, today I was sliming my way across a bike path and some young punk comes barrelling down the path on his bike and he almost hits me. Who the hell does he think he is!? Then, I looked around and discovered that some of my best friends were lying all over the path dead. All of them victims of squish-and-run perpetrators.
I realized that I was very vulnerable being on the path and I began to panic. To my horror, I spotted a family of three off in the distance that was bearing down on me. The child was riding one of those particularly scary three wheeled death machines. I drew up all my energy and willed myself to slime and slide as fast as I could. If I had hair it would not have been blowing in the breeze because I realized something else that was also horrifying. I can’t move very fast.
With all of my muscles in my body tensed I focused on one thought, “Must slime and slide faster!”
The family of three was set on a furious pace heading straight for me. They were already five blocks away now. I looked towards the edge of the path and I saw my friend Zack. He made it! Zack had made it to the other side, and he was not a victim of one of those squish-and-run criminals.
He looked at me with a determined look that only a slug can muster. It said, “You can do it Morty. Slime and slide with your heart filled with bravery and courage. Our brothers have perished but you are special Morty. You will survive!”
With newfound confidence and resolve I glided along like a speed skater going 1 mm every 5 minutes. I can do it! Thank you, Zack. I believe I can make it now and I will be victorious on this day that no one will remember because we don’t really have brains!
As time past and I grew closer to the edge, I started to feel a sense of relief. I had almost made it. Zack sat there looking so proud of me and he gave me that look that says, “You’re alright kid, you’re alright.”
Luckily, the family of three had stopped for ice cream buying me a few precious moments for me to make it to safety. I continued to put everything into my sliming clinging to the hope that I may be able to defy the odds and survive this heinous senseless slaughter of slugs.
I had just about made it off the path when I managed to just avoid being struck by the adorable family of three. I let out a huge gasp of relief. I did it. I overcame the odds. Despite having lost my brothers who had slid and slimed bravely on this day, I had survived, and I would live out the rest of my slug life with pride and as a tribute to them.
Then, I heard this beautiful dinging sound. Was the universe celebrating with me? I looked to my left and I saw another one of those squish-and-run hooligans was speeding in my direction. I realized that he was heading directly for the family that tried to kill me.
I said to myself, Justice will be served today. The squish-and-run evildoer will take out the murderous adorable family of three. As he came closer and closer the heavens again burst out in that beautiful ringing sound. The joy in the faces of the family members who were still oblivious of the dangerous carnage that was about to take place was going to make this moment even sweeter.
Just as the excitement in anticipation was starting to overwhelm me, I looked over at Zack hoping to share this glorious moment with him. Then, I heard one last ding and Zack was squished right in front of my light sensitivity eye spot. I turned to look at the family of three and they were unharmed. The squish-and-run bastard had deliberately avoided running into the adorable family because he spotted Zack and had that sick evil desire that these scumbags have to murder another slug.
My initial feelings of horror and despair gave way to my body’s fight or flight instinct and I sped across the rest of the path for the next hour. Finally, feeling a tenuous sense of safety after I had gotten off the path, I turned to look back at all of the slug corpses. My mind struggled to comprehend such a tragic and devastating sight. I looked down at Zack laying beside me, his hideously squished body forever having the indelible look of horror when one is aware of their last moment before death.
I began to weep and my whole body convulsed in grief. A few moments later, I think it was about two hours, a fire began to burn in my heart, and I was uplifted. I will not let your murder go unpunished Zack! I will avenge my slug brothers and sisters who have given their lives on this day just to check out what was on the other side of the path! And now that I think about it, I am not sure if I have sisters because we all kind of look the same but if I do I will avenge them too!
For the rest of my life all of my decisions will be tied to the cause that we slugs will one day emerge to be treated with dignity and respect and we will no longer be victims of these heinous slaughters that have plagued our kind for a really long time. I am not certain about the last part but that is my impression based on what I have witnessed today. And I proclaim that one thing is true! That a time where slugs can live without fear and oppression might happen one day!
Master of Science
Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine
This week’s blog is a podcast interview with Registered Acupuncturist Dr. Hong Yan. Dr. Yan discusses how acupuncture can be used to treat ADHD, stress, anxiety and depression.
Discussing Mental Health Benefits of Acupuncture With Dr. Hong Yan
Guilt can act like a weight attached to your ankle that drags darkness into every aspect of your life. It can make you feel unworthy of joy and at its worse it can cause suicidal ideation. Strong feelings of guilt can develop for people with bipolar disorder after acute episodes cause behaviour that results in things like infidelity, spending a family’s life savings or irritable rage.
It is not my place to say if people with bipolar disorder deserve forgiveness. I obviously think we do but I would never want to invalidate how people feel. I can only speak to how people with bipolar disorder can have their best life while living with guilt. A person who is paralyzed by guilt will have a hard time taking action to get well.
Peer support can be helpful. For people who do not have bipolar disorder it can be difficult for them to separate the behaviour from the identity of the individual. People who have bipolar disorder clearly understand the symptoms of bipolar disorder, so this difference is obvious to them. Plus, they are likely suffering from issues of guilt as well so they can relate to these feelings. There is a kind of magic that happens when we share our stories of suffering with people who understand.
There is nothing you can do to change what happened but making choices to decrease the chances of it happening again can help. This includes taking medication regularly, sleep hygiene, peer support, physical activity, and minimizing your consumption of alcohol. It is possible these changes could help those around you get over the pain of the incident but it does not obligate them to do so.
Family members can be supportive by finding help for themselves. Constantly reminding people who have bipolar disorder about their behaviour when they were not well is cruel. The memories are painful for us and we need to focus on the present. It is more helpful if family members can learn more about bipolar disorder and find their own support through counselling or peer support groups.
Feelings of guilt from my behaviour when I was not well have not completely dissolved for me. Even though I know it is not my fault I have bipolar disorder I still carry some guilt for things that have happened years and sometimes even decades ago. I have been fortunate that I have friends and family who have stuck by me despite the challenges of dealing with my behaviour when I am not well and my hope is that everyone is surrounded by people who value forgiveness and understanding.
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