Bipolar Weekly

Author: Allan Cooper (Page 1 of 7)

Top Six Crappy Things About Having ADHD (and some potential solutions)

February 24, 2026 / / 2 Comments

I was diagnosed with severe ADHD after undergoing a comprehensive battery of psychological testing in my forties. The diagnosis plus medication has helped me a lot but I am not cured and I still struggle in certain ways.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) is a condition that affects how your brain works. Despite its name, ADHD doesn’t mean that you lack attention. It means that it’s harder for you to control your attention or direct it to certain tasks.

The following is a list of the top six frustrations I have because I have ADHD.

1. People think you are lazy.

This is the worst part about having ADHD. From an outsider’s perspective it looks like we are not trying to be more organized, motivated and tidy but our brains work differently from most people’s brains. For example, when someone who has ADHD tries to clean a kitchen our first reaction is feeling overwhelmed. My mind becomes bombarded with a series of questions like: Where do I start? What direction should clean in? What do I do first? What is the most efficient and best method for cleaning the kitchen? How do other people clean kitchens? Will people judge me for the way I clean it? This makes me feel completely stuck and filled with anxiety and stress.  

I have a strategy that I use where I go from left to right focusing on the edge of the mess and trying not to look at the entire mess. It takes a great deal of effort, but I can do it. Having to go through this process for every task in one day is exhausting and requires a lot of will power and energy which decreases our capacity to get more done in a single day and it can be discouraging.

2. You lose a lot of stuff.

I have lost three toques in the last three weeks. The worst part is even if you have strategies in place to make sure you don’t lose anything you lose stuff anyway. My toques are always supposed to go in the inside pocket of my winter jacket even if I take it off while I am still wearing the jacket. It sounds like a foolproof plan so I am completely baffled by how I could have possibly lost my toques.  

3. Time blindness

People who have ADHD have no sense of the passage of time. I can tell someone I need a few minutes to write a quick email before I leave to go somewhere and find myself shocked when I look up at the time when I am done and realize that an hour has passed. One positive aspect of this is if you get stuck in a delay at the airport it’s not really a big deal because I have no sense of how long I have to wait. I use visual timers to help me with this problem.

Here is a link to the timer I use.

Time Timer

4. Hyperfocus

Hyperfocus is kind of an ADHD superpower. If I find something interesting and important I can sit and stay focused on it for hours and it feels completely normal to me. I can get a lot of writing done when I hit hyperfocus. The problem is people in our lives can get frustrated when we get locked into something for hours. Using timers is helpful for this problem too.

5. Constant thoughts.

I never get a break from my thoughts. I can’t just sit somewhere and appreciate the silence. Throughout the day, I have constant reminders of things that I have done that cause me shame, will do, could do or just interest me. I can’t just take a shower. When I take a shower I write blogs in my head, think about relationships, embarrassing memories etc. When I am done and I leave the bathroom, I am miraculously clean and pretty much have no recollection of having had the shower. One bonus of this aspect of having ADHD is that when people are looking for ideas I can come up with an endless amount of them and I have never had writer’s block.

6. Relationship issues

This one can be tough for a number of reasons. When you live with someone and being neat and organized is something that is important to them it may be hard to live up to their standards. Sometimes, I have to make a choice between cleaning my dishes and getting to work on time or cleaning my bedroom. Sometimes, I don’t have the capacity to do both.

Even social gatherings can be hard. Recently, I was invited to join some friends for a visit. My ADHD med just wore off when I got there but I was doing pretty good at keeping up with the conversation until the host put out some snacks. I started to think about how hungry I was but in Canada most people don’t dive into snacks immediately when they are served. There is often an undefined waiting period but I have one friend who dives right in and that is kind of nice but when I was in university in 1990 and I was living in BC and it seemed like people were more comfortable with diving right in so I started to do it too but then I remembered doing that back then and my best friend’s roommate was tired of me diving in right away and told me in front of everyone how much it bothered him and I cringe when I remembered that incident and I remembered how I had to reconsider if that was a BC thing or just the people I was hanging out with and there was orange cheese on the plate which I thought gave me migraines but I haven’t had migraines lately so maybe I can eat orange cheese now and I am a guest so I should probably go first because nobody eats anything before the guests eats.

Then, I realized that while I was thinking about this everyone was talking about something I missed and I had no idea what they were talking about. I just nodded and smiled and prayed that nobody asked me a question. Then, I realized that I had not made a note of the time when I sat down so I could have been there for two hours or more when I planned to be there only for one hour and I became extremely anxious but I had to pretend I was completely fine.

Having ADHD can be exhausting, demoralizing, humiliating and depressing. It can be funny too. I follow a couple of Instagram accounts of people who point out the funny parts about it, and it makes me feel better but I think we need to acknowledge that there is real pain for people who have ADHD.

My medication, learning about it, and having an ADHD Coach from the Canlearn Society helped me a lot. There are people in my life who are supportive and understand ADHD which also helps. They are patient with me, help break down tasks for me and they can tell me if I have enough time to do what I wish to accomplish in a day.  

Allan

P.S. If this blog resonance with you, you find it interesting or have questions please leave a comment below.

Here is a link to an interview I did with my ADHD coach on my podcast, The Bipolar Disorder Moment.

Discussing ADHD and Bipolar Disorder with ADHD Coach Laura Godfrey

Could Two Hours of Peer Support Change Your Life?

February 8, 2026 / / 6 Comments

I have been working as a peer support worker for over ten years, and most people do not know what we do and how we are able to empower people who have mental health issues to have a positive life in an extremely short period of time. Psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and psychiatric nurses provide a crucial role in mental health recovery but they do not have the ability to support change like peer support workers can.

Understanding the principles, methodologies and strategies involved in peer support is analogous to understanding the expertise of other specialized fields. It requires training, insight and personal experience. The paradigm is simultaneously simple and complex. The results are extraordinary. Other mental health professionals seek to have their clients/patients suffer less and increase their ability to be functional. Peer support workers follow the lead of the people we work with and walk along side them in their mental health journey. We do not refer to them as patients or clients in peer support. They are our peers, participants or guests. Our practice is guided by peer support principles, our training and lived experience. This gives us the ability to create instant inspiration for hope, validation and connection in a way that promotes dignity and respect.

My first experience with peer support was in 2008. I was on the verge of losing another job because of a bipolar depressive episode. I had very little money and hardly any friends or social connection. My employer, along with other people in my life were frustrated with my low level of functioning and implied it was due to laziness. The professionals involved in my care treated me like a problem they needed to solve. I was alone, hopeless and done with life. I made a call to the Distress Centre, and they sent out the mobile response team to my apartment. They recommended that I go to a peer support group for people who have bipolar disorder. I hated support groups at the time but I decided to give it a try anyway.

I entered the warm, slightly dim lit boardroom at an urgent care facility in downtown Calgary, Canada. I flopped down in a chair and rested my head on my arms on the table. I was exhausted. My plan was to stay two hours and leave so I could tell people who were frustrated with me that I tried something to help myself. Everyone sat around the table save the two facilitators who were seated at the head. When the facilitators introduced themselves, I was surprised to hear that they also had bipolar disorder. Everyone took turns talking about how bipolar disorder was impacting their life and/or their lived experience with dealing with the illness. My head lifted up off the table. The facilitators used peer support strategies to make the space feel safe, promote connection and opportunities for us to learn from them and other members of the group.

When it was my turn, I felt hesitant to speak but the gentle invitation of one of the facilitators made me feel compelled to share. Nobody interrupted me, gave me advice, or treated me like a problem. Occasionally, someone would mention that they had been through similar challenges and how they got through it. There were people who were struggling just like I was and people who seemed to be enjoying their life and quite positive.

When the meeting ended, I felt completely different. When I went into the room, I was hopeless, alone and suicidal. When I left, I was part of a community, hopeful and found the will to live and start the process of becoming more optimistic. My life was completely different after this experience. My mood became more stable over longer stretches of time an I became more resilient and functional. I experienced a great deal of joy spending time with my peers who are clever, funny, compassionate and genuine. I don’t have to explain anything to them, they completely understand what I am going through so I can just be myself. I continue to struggle with the symptoms of bipolar disorder but peer support has changed how I live my life. It is as important as my medication.  

After attending the group for a few years, and receiving peer support training, I became one of the proficient group facilitators. I currently have two jobs. One as a peer support worker in a psychoeducation community program. In this job, I assist in teaching skills related to mental health topics and provide an element of peer support to our classes. The skills we teach improves the quality of our participants lives and the peer support transforms them.

My other job is at a short-stay residential suicide stabilization program called Calgary Respite House. We service guests who have had a recent suicide attempt or are at a high risk of dying by suicide and meet other criteria that makes them a fit for our program. The staff at the house are a mixture of peer support workers and mental health workers who have lived experience with dealing with suicide related issues or have family members who have struggled with similar problems. This fact alone makes our guests feel instantly comfortable and positive to the point where they are able to smile and potentially engage in humorous conversations after a couple of days.

The house has a clean, modern design that includes features that keep our guests safe. Each guest has their own room with a private washroom. The ample common areas have relaxing furniture, TV sets and throw blankets which contribute to the home-like feel of the house and makes our guests feel valued, comfortable and respected. During their stay, they receive peer support and are empowered to write a safety and a recovery plan for use when they are at risk in the future.

Peer support workers are starting to be added to community and medical mental health teams and programs. It is frustrating for me that there are not more positions for peer support workers. Trained peer support workers’ expertise and skills could be part of the solution to the huge need for mental health support in our society. Without peer support, there is a gap in the services available to people who struggle with their mental health.

Allan

P.S. I am sure many people will read this blog and think I am exaggerating about the impact peer support workers can have on the lives of people who are struggling with their mental health. If you have had your life change because of peer support or you are a peer support worker who has witnessed these types of changes please leave a comment below. If you wish to remain anonymous you can email me at allangeraldcooper@gmail.com and I can post your comments without your name.

If you are struggling with suicide related issues, please contact supports in your area.

Distress Centre Lines

Crisis Services Canada 1-833-456-4566

Lifeline (US) 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Befriends Worldwide (International)

Lifeline (Australia) 13-11-14

The State of Stigma in Our Society

January 25, 2026 /

I recently read a Instagram post from the International Bipolar Foundation about the actor David Harbour, who plays Jim Hopper on the hit TV show, “Stranger Things.” Harbour has bipolar disorder and the post quotes him as saying, “The new model of understanding mental health disorders. and treating people without stigma is beautiful. and liberating, I’m touched and grateful that we are beginning to have the conversation without stigma.”

This made me feel great. I sat back and I thought about it and I realized there has been a significant change since my first manic episode in 1995. Back then, I was terrified that people would find out I had bipolar disorder and not want to associate with me. There was even one incident where I wanted to discontinue a relationship with someone and rather than talking about how I felt I took the cowards way out and I just told her I had bipolar disorder and I never saw her again. Also, when I went to the hospital if the staff noticed I had bipolar disorder they would treat me poorly but that has not happened to me in a really long time.

I was nervous the first time I posted a link to my blog on Facebook. I remember holding my thumb over the post icon for awhile before I pressed down and announced to the world that I have bipolar disorder. I was overwhelmed by the amount of support I received from family and friends. I also have a podcast, The Bipolar Disorder Moment, where I talk openly about having bipolar disorder and my job as a peer support worker requires that I talk about my journey with having a mental illness. I am seeking publication for a memoir I have written, Brain Betrayal: A Bipolar Disorder Story. I have been invited to speak at oil companies to talk about my story for funding purposes and to increase awareness. When I do the speeches, often the managers and staff talk about their struggles with their mental health. Personally, I haven’t noticed a lot of news or entertainment media that creates the impression that everyone who has a mental illness is dangerous.

All of this made me feel pretty positive and optimistic. Then, I went out for dinner with my friends who have bipolar disorder. They had a different perspective. One of my friends is a teacher and she said an aspect of teaching that is a challenge is that parents are constantly complaining about how their children are being treated and educated. She feels that if parents were to find out she has bipolar disorder the complaints. would intensify and happen more often.

My other friend, who is an associate professor at a university, talked about how students often try to contest their marks and if they knew she had bipolar disorder this situation would become much worse. She feels that if you are in a position of authority, it will always be an issue.

Finally, the last person said that he does not disclose he has bipolar disorder in social situations because it has led to issues in the past. All of them did not agree that in the media people who have mental illness are presented in a positive light. They feel that people who suffer from psychosis are often portrayed as villains.

After having dinner with my friends, I was feeling a little sad that stigma is still an issue that is a significant challenge for people who have mental illnesses. I  believe that things have gotten way better but the truth is likely somewhere in between. I do not recommend disclosing that you have a mental illness to employers unless you are confident they will be supportive. I have had bad experiences when I was a social worker, and I have noticed that helping professions seem to have the biggest issue in supporting employees who struggle with their mental health. I am grateful that I have not had to deal with stigma in a long time and, to me, it has improved considerably since 1995.

Allan

P.S. I think it would be helpful for all of us to get a better understanding of the state of mental health stigma in our society. If you feel comfortable sharing your experiences and opinions, please leave a comment below.

Everything Does Not Happen for a Reason

January 11, 2026 /

Everything Does Not Happen for a Reason

There is something that I have been thinking about as the year starts that I would like to get off my chest. It’s not a popular perspective so I hope we can still be friends after you read this blog. It’s the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.” Every time I hear someone say this phrase, it makes me feel a little queasy. There are lots of things that happen to people all over the world that cause irreparable harm to them and to suggest that there was a positive reason for these circumstances is cruel in my opinion.

Let’s take my story as an example. Because I have bipolar disorder, I have an interesting life story that I have turned into a memoir (I am looking for an agent so if you know someone, please let them know how much you love my writing and my story), I have a podcast, The Bipolar Disorder Moment, I have this blog, I work as a peer support worker which requires that I have a mental health concern, I have some of the most extraordinary friends who I have met because all of us have bipolar disorder. I have been invited to do speeches that have an element of my lived experience with having a mental illness. None of this is possible unless I have bipolar disorder so does that mean there is a reason for the onset of the illness?

Let’s delve into my story a little deeper. Prior to my first episode, I was living my dream life in Japan. This was abruptly taken away from me after my first manic episode. Trying to find a stable life since has been a struggle. I have spent months on the psychiatric ward in the hospital due to bouts of severe mania and suicidal ideation multiple times. I have been fired from more jobs than I can count. The same is true for the number of times I have had to move because of a lack of stability in my life. Many relationships have ended because of my illness. Everyday, I remember embarrassing and shameful events or behaviours that occurred because I have bipolar disorder. If I sleep 5 hours one night, I have to make sure that this pattern does not last for more than a few days because it could be a sign a manic episode could be starting. I take medication that is sedating so I get tired faster than most people I know. If I have one drink of alcohol it takes three days for me to recover. Because I have had three manic episodes, my memory is so poor that I often introduce myself to people I have already met, I forget important moments in relationships, and I often forget information people share with me about their personal life. There is a bunch of other stuff that sucks because I have bipolar disorder, but I think you get the idea. So, did all of this happen to me for a reason? I hope not.

I do believe positive outcomes can come from adversity. We all know someone who flunked out of an academic endeavor to find their true passion. You need to have a functional level of wellness and basic needs security for the whole, “Everything happens for a reason,” thing to work. I think that there is almost always growth and learning that can come from all experiences in life positive and negative if you have the capacity to look for it. If believing, “Things happen for a reason,” makes you feel better about your life that is great, but when people say this regarding someone else’s life, I think that can be hurtful.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with my life. I have incredible friends and relationships. I have found a relatively recent passion for writing. My work as a peer support worker is amazing, and I have not had a manic episode since 2010. I really wasn’t seeking pity. It is more of a plea to not put the, “Everything happens for a reason,” philosophy in life on people who are suffering. Especially, people who have bipolar disorder. They are likely battling life in ways you do not realize because we have an invisible illness.

So, to everyone out there who has bipolar disorder, I hope you have an amazing year, and you realize you are not alone. There are many of us out here that are struggling just like you are, and we are managing to have a pretty positive life. For the rest of you, I hope you have a joyous New Year for no reason whatsoever.  

Allan

P.S. If you are experiencing outrage because of my blog or you found it interesting, please leave a comment below.

Rebuilding After a Hospital Stay

August 15, 2025 /

After my first stay on the psychiatric ward at the general hospital in Calgary, I felt completely lost and hopeless. In my upcoming book, Brain Betrayal: A Memoir, I describe the day that I was allowed to leave after being there for three months. It was a confusing day because I was protesting being on the ward since I got there but by the time I was discharged I felt like I lost everything. When I was admitted, I was working in Japan and my dream was to become a Japanese Interpreter. My employer was not able to keep my position open past one month so once I lost my job going back became an impossibility. I was left with the question, “Now, what?” Plus, the Psych ward had become a safe bubble for me with regular meals, nurses, doctors and the other patients had become my community. Once I left, the community was gone, and it was scary and demoralizing to be on my own with no path in life.

Looking back, I realize the “Now, what?” answer was to rebuild a life. Any life. The first step in achieving this was to realize that none of it was my fault. I didn’t do anything that caused me to have bipolar disorder. It was a result of my family history and the extreme stress that I was under. Many people around me did not understand that the lethargy and inactivity I was demonstrating at the time was a result of being over medicated and symptoms of the depressive episode not because of a lack of effort. The one person who was attuned to how much I was struggling and suffering was my Nana, who was not well herself at the time. Her compassion and understanding was the first step in me realizing I was not a bad person because of my behaviour. I was extremely ill.

I was so fatigued that to brush my teeth I had to use both hands and sit on the edge of the bathtub a couple of times to take breaks in order to complete the entire task. I had completely lost my ability to have a human experience of life. I could not receive any kind of pleasure or meaningful response to my environment. For example, appreciating the beauty of flowers would be impossible. I could identify the colours but beyond that I would have no reaction. The same would be true for music, food, or even spending time with people. I felt like I was a living organism with an extremely stunted experience of life. The only exceptions being that hurtful comments still hurt me emotionally and even if I could not interact meaningfully with others being in their presence provided some comfort.

One day, I realized that expectations/frustrations about my wellness by myself or others weren’t going to help me. The only thing that was going to help was to try and do a little bit more each day. This meant rather than lying in bed for hours I would spend some time sitting up. I tried to make every day a little better than the previous day. If I had a day I couldn’t, I wouldn’t beat myself up about it. The next day would be an opportunity to try again. After months of these incremental successes combined with the process of my psychiatrist find the right medication for me, I was able to return to a functional life again.

Looking back, I realize that I wasted a lot of energy beating myself up about how functional I was. Mood disorders seem to be the only illness where people blame themselves for their symptoms. There is no way to predict if my recovery from my first depressive episode would have been faster if I was more focused on healing than I was on dealing with the frustration. I know that for some people recovering from a depressive episode does not need to take as long as it did for me. Now, when I have a depressive episode it usually only lasts a couple of weeks because the first thing I do is I lower my expectations on what I am capable of accomplishing. I understand that I am physically unwell, and I expect that I won’t be able to do as much as when my mood is at a baseline level.

For me, the most supportive thing people can do is ask me what I need. When I recognize that a depressive episode is just starting, I generally request that someone come with me to go for a walk. When I notice my mood is dipping if I start walking more it doesn’t get worse and it doesn’t last as long. These walks are awful. I hate every second of them and once they are done, I don’t feel good. However, I know if I don’t do it, I will become more and more ill and it will take longer and require more effort to recover. If I am further down in the pit of depression, the support I would need would be different. If you are wondering how to support someone who is stuck in a severe depression just ask yourself what people do when people have any other illness. Common things like bringing food or just sitting with a person is just as helpful for us as it is for people suffering from any other illness.

Being discharged from the hospital and left to build an entirely new life while managing the symptoms of my first depressive episode and being over medicated was the worst period in my life. I think the key to finding a new meaningful path is to understand the fact that having bipolar disorder is not your fault and you deserve the respect, patience and compassion that anyone else with a severe chronic illness requires. Seeking out help with community social workers, peer support and online supports can be helpful but ultimately one has to just keep getting better in any small way that you can and acknowledge that doing so is a sign of great strength and courage.

Thank you for reading my blog today. If you found it helpful, it resonates with you, or you have any questions please leave a comment below.

How routine and structure help in maintaining a positive life when you have bipolar disorder

July 7, 2024 /

A healthy routine and structure has helped me be more resilient, reduce fluctuations in mood and has contributed to a sense of happiness and fulfillment in my life.

During acute depressive episodes, many people end up spending most of their time in bed. There are logical reasons for this. The most obvious being that during depressive episodes one of the symptoms is an incredibly high level of fatigue. Plus, the warmth of being under the covers helps ease the physical pain that one also experiences during these episodes. Once your symptoms become more manageable, finding a routine and a structured life can help create a more consistent feeling of wellness when you have bipolar disorder.

The first thing I do every day is take my medication. I make sure to put them in the same spot every night before I go to bed. During my last severe depressive episode my concentration was poor. Often, I wouldn’t be sure if I took my medication or not. The idea of filling up my own pill organizer when I was unwell seemed impossible. I had my pharmacy put my meds in blister packs until I was able to fill pill organizers on my own. I have an alarm on my phone that tells me when to take my meds in the evening. I have had occasions when a change in residence or life events disrupted my routine and I got into a pattern of saying to myself it’s just one dose multiple times. This has led to manic and depressive episodes. It’s a priority for me that I am consistent with taking my medication.

After my last episode, volunteer work helped provide the structure I needed to get back into a life where I could do more in a day. Even though, it was just for three hours twice a week it gave me a reason to shower, interact with people and it made me feel like I had a weekend. Even on the days I didn’t volunteer, I started to get up and structure my days as if I would be volunteering. It also helped me get my sleep routine on track because I was staying up late and waking up at random times because there was no reason to get up early.

Finding a peer support group that I could attend once a week was the next addition to my schedule that was helpful. It kept me accountable for lifestyle choices that promoted wellness and it provided connection and a commitment that was within my capacity to keep. Organizations like the DBSA have online peer support groups for people who have bipolar disorder.

Walking to my volunteer job was a nice way to add a little bit of exercise to my day. I don’t walk as much as I used to but I play tennis or badminton once a week. I usually walk when I notice a depressive episode starting which prevents them from getting worse and lasting as long. I imagine if I made walking a more consistent part of my routine I would probably have less episodes but nobody is perfect.

When you have bipolar disorder it is crucial that you get enough sleep. For most of the people that I have met who have bipolar disorder a lack of sleep can be a red flag that their mood may be going high. Finding a sleep routine that suits your individual needs is important. I go to bed around 10:30 pm. For some, complete silence is necessary. I can’t sleep in complete silence because it becomes an opportunity for my brain to be filled with stimulating racing thoughts. I use headphones to listen to the same Netflix show every night. It interrupts the verbal chatter that goes on in my head and since I have been listening to it for very many years, it has become boring for me so it helps me sleep. I don’t watch the show, I just listen to it. I used to listen to old radio shows like Our Miss Brooks, but for some reason that stopped working so I had to try something else. If the amount of sleep I am getting becomes worrisome to me, I contact my psychiatrist.

Family and friends can support people who are developing a routine by inviting them to join you when you are doing a regular activity, such as walking. It’s important that it is an invitation rather than an appointment when people are severely unwell. For example, if someone said, “I am going for a walk tomorrow. If you’re up to it, would you like to join me?” This takes some pressure off, and it makes it easier for someone who has bipolar disorder to participate. If the person is unable to go on the day, it’s important you go on the walk anyway.

Adding structure and routine into your life when you have bipolar disorder can relieve stress, make you more consistent with taking your medication and help you build a support network. This can empower you to create a life that includes long term consistency and resilience.

8 Steps to Rebuild Your Life after an Acute Depressive or Manic Episode.

June 9, 2024 /


After my first manic episode, I lost my job, my dream of becoming a Japanese interpreter, all of my money, all of my friendships and relationships with the people I had in Japan and my marriage ended in a divorce. Since then, I have had two manic episodes and a depressive episode that destroyed my life in a similar fashion.

I haven’t had an acute manic or depressive episode since 2010. Now, I can reflect on what I did to rebuild my life. I am only sharing what worked for me. I am not suggesting that this is a foolproof simple way of rebuilding your life.

1. Rest
This one is hard for people to understand. Acute manic and depressive episodes take a physical toll on the body. Just like any other illness, one requires rest to recuperate from this. How much rest do you need? Everyone who has bipolar disorder is different but I, and many people I have met, have taken a year while for others it may be months. When I ignored my bodies need for rest, it made me feel worse because I would beat myself up for not being more active. It’s not uncommon for people to need to spend many hours in bed during this time.

2. Work with your psychiatrist to the best of your ability
There is no x-ray or blood test a psychiatrist can use to diagnose how symptomatic you are. I’m not a psychiatrist and I do not know what goes into the decisions they make for treating their patients but I do know that the more information I can provide my psychiatrist the better. This may include completing mood charts, notes on side-effects, and descriptions of how much you are able to do in a day. If possible, try to get your medication in blister packs otherwise you might be frustrated with trying to remember if you took them or not.

3. Keep Moving
After my first manic episode the fatigue was so bad that every step felt like I had heavy weights shackled to my ankles. I had to brush my teeth with both hands and showering was like climbing a mountain. When you are this unwell exercising may not be possible but any movement helps. If at first, you just try to walk from your bed to the TV as much as possible that’s a win. Everyday, try to move a bit more than the previous day and eventually you will gain momentum and your activity level should grow exponentially.

Step 4 Get on the other side of the door

During an acute depressive episode, my anxiety is extremely high. The idea of leaving my home becomes horrifying. However, the longer I isolate the worse my symptoms get. My goal became just to get on the other side of the door and exit my place. I had no destination in my mind, or how long I would be gone. I just put on my runners and left.

5. Peer Support
Finding a peer support group for people who have bipolar disorder can be extremely helpful. For me, it helped give me hope to know that other people who have bipolar disorder were able to recover and the tips I learned from them were helpful. Plus, talking to people who understood what I was going through helped a lot. Many people who have bipolar disorder are kind, compassionate, fascinating, intelligent, and just cool people to spend a couple of hours with. Organizations like the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) have online peer support groups for people who have bipolar disorder.

6. Grieve the Losses
A manic or depressive episode can lead to huge losses in life such as job loss, financial instability, divorce, loss of relationships with colleagues, and friends. It isn’t our fault that the episodes happen, but many people and organizations cannot separate who we are as people from the behaviour they see when we are not well. Acknowledging, the pain of these losses and addressing them through journaling, counseling and/or peer support was helpful for me.

7. Volunteer Work
When you are well enough, volunteer work can be a great way to transition back into a more active life. There is a full range of time commitments from a couple of hours a month to several hours a week. Volunteering can provide more structure into your life, create connection with people who are appreciative of your help and it can give your a sense of fulfillment.

8. Identifying Your Capacity
The last step may be the hardest. At some point, we have to reflect on patterns that have emerged after multiple episodes. Bipolar disorder can be highly reactive to stress. For some, full-time work, a busy social life, an intense workout routine and a family may be possible. For others, this level of activity could result in recurring episodes. A person who can do more than other people who are limited in the scope and how much they do are not more successful. They simply have a greater capacity to do more.

Dealing with the devastation that comes as a result of acute manic and depressive episodes is awful. It takes time, patience and support but it is possible to find a life you enjoy again.

Allan’s Mania Season

May 26, 2024 /

People seem to be aware of depression occurring during the darker months in Canada but there is a different season that those of us who have bipolar disorder have to pay attention to and for different reasons. It’s springtime. I like to refer to the spring as, “mania season,” because this is the time of year when I, and many people I have met who have bipolar disorder, are more likely to experience hypomania which can build to full-blown manic episodes. This phenomena is officially called Spring Mania (Psychiatric Times) .   

I live in Calgary, Canada and during the winter we have approximately 8 hours of daylight per day. In the springtime, that changes to 15 hours a day. My bipolar disorder can react to the increased number of daylight hours in a dramatic fashion. Most of my hypomanic and manic episodes have occurred in the spring. For me, the consequences of this happening are extreme because I have the more severe type of the illness, Bipolar 1, which means I have full blown manic episodes that can include psychosis. This has happened 3 times in my life and all of them caused irreparable harm to relationships with colleagues, some friends and family members, job loss and a struggle with maintaining enough money to meet basic needs. Since the consequences are so severe, I am hyper vigilant in keeping an eye on my mood in the spring and if something starts to go wrong, I act immediately to ensure that I don’t become acutely ill.

I have learned that the first symptom I experience when my mood is becoming elevated is irritability. I notice that when I talk to people my words have a tiny bit more of a bite to them than usual. Nobody else notices the change but I can because it’s not like my usual demeanor and the way I communicate. I also notice that I have thoughts that describe my irritation with the world. Thoughts like: Why do people in Costco always get in my way? How come everyone is driving like idiots? Why is person x taking so long to complete x?  

The other symptom I notice is that it is very difficult to calm down and rest. It feels like my blood is almost vibrating at a different frequency than the rest of my body. Regardless of how tired I feel, if I lie down, take deep breaths or close my eyes, my body will not calm down. I feel like I must keep moving but that makes the feeling worse.

When this happens, I go into my bathroom, put a towel at the bottom of the door so that it is completely dark and wait and see if anything changes. If I start to feel better, it confirms for me that my mood is becoming elevated. I sit in the dark for as long as possible and that stops my symptoms from getting worse. After I feel more settled, I close all the blinds in my house and wear sunglasses. I don’t do anything stimulating. I don’t go on my phone, watch TV or go outside. I just sit in as dark a room as possible and try to stay bored. I cancel all of my commitments including work, socializing and sports activities. If my symptoms get worse, I will call my psychiatrist and she will decide if any adjustments need to be made to my medication. Generally, when I do this my symptoms only last a few days. I have not had a manic episode since 2010 and I believe this self-awareness and my medication has made this possible.

This strategy will not work for everyone. Bipolar disorder presents differently in every single person. Unfortunately, the only way to figure out a method for yourself is to reflect on what was going on before your last and previous episodes to see if you can identify any patterns that can give you a clue that you may be becoming unwell and then working with your psychiatrist to develop interventions that will work for you specifically. For me, this process took many years and I think it is important to have some space after an episode to grieve the losses you may have experienced, heal from the shame and physically recover from the depression that follows before you start thinking about how to identify when you may be experiencing an uptick in your mood.

For family and friends who have loved ones in their lives who have bipolar disorder there is very little you can do to help in this learning process other than be supportive and compassionate just like you would for any other physical illness. It is difficult for people who don’t have bipolar disorder to understand the subtleties of the start of mania. I have heard many stories of well-meaning family members expressing concern over someone who has bipolar disorder’s mood when often the person is simply having a normal valid emotional response to a certain circumstance. Peer support provided by people who have bipolar disorder are better able to have these conversations that people can learn from. Organizations such as the DBSA, The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance have online peer support groups for people who have bipolar disorder.

I have heard many mental health professionals say that bipolar disorder is an illness that can be managed. I think that is unfair to us. I think we can thrive and have exceptional fulfilling lives with meaningful volunteer or paid work, and healthy relationships with colleagues, friends, family, and romantic partners. We may not be able to engage in specific activities and everyone who has bipolar disorder differs in their capacity for how much activity they can do in one day. I believe with the right medication and strategies based on self-awareness it is possible for all of us to have a positive life.

Loving Someone Who Has Bipolar Disorder

March 30, 2024 /

Award winning author Jessica Waite describes herself as someone who has lived with and loved people who have bipolar disorder. In this episode on my podcast, The Bipolar Disorder Moment, she discusses her relationship with her late husband and shares some of the details of her soon to be released memoir. You can hear my podcast on most platforms or by clicking on one of the icons below.

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Why I Take My Meds

September 3, 2023 /

I have experienced some frustration when discussing the role of my medication in the treatment of bipolar disorder to people who do not have the illness. Bipolar disorder is a physical illness which has physical and psychological symptoms. Bipolar disorder is not a psychological problem. Sometimes, I hear the sentiment that I am using medication as an easy crutch rather than face my life problems or sometimes people question if I even need medication. I have had people say, “Well, if it works for you that’s great,” with the emphasis on the “you.” Sometimes, people suggest yoga, exercise or meditation as a preferential solution to the issues bipolar causes in my life.

If I did not take medication I would be acutely ill frequently and I would likely require extensive psychiatric care on a daily basis. For me, the distinction between the symptoms of bipolar disorder and the regular ups and downs that everyone has is very clear. There was a time that I did not have bipolar disorder. The onset of my illness occurred in 1995. I was living in Japan and under a tremendous amount of stress which triggered my first manic episode. I had never had any symptoms of bipolar disorder before this happened.

At that time, I was experiencing psychosis. I was having delusions that made me believe I had reached enlightenment, could heal people with my mind, gain enormous wealth in a short period of time and that all my friends and family would quit their jobs and join me to live a life of endless joy and prosperity. Of course, none of that was true but bipolar disorder made it seem 100% real. I barely slept or ate any food. I am sure I was talking fast and a lot and I couldn’t sit still.

I returned to Canada and spent three months on the psych ward in Calgary and I saw multiple specialized medical doctors called psychiatrists. They were able to find the right medication to bring me down from my manic episode.

The depressive episode that followed was the worst level of anguish I have ever experienced in my life. The fatigue was so extreme that I had to use two hands to brush my teeth. I could only spend a few minutes away from my bed before being completely drained of energy and forced to return to the covers. I could intellectually recognize flavours, smells, colours and sounds but there was no human element of that perception. My body could recognize all of these but it was incapable of deriving pleasure or any meaning from any of it. My thoughts were stuck on negativity and suicidal ideation.

After I left the hospital, my psychiatrist worked on getting me the right medication and my depressive episode ran its course. I felt better and went back to work. After a few months, I started to wonder if I had bipolar disorder. After all, I had never experienced symptoms of the illness until my first episode. I thought that maybe it was just a one time thing so I decided to stop taking my medication. A few months later, I had another full blown manic episode that decimated my life. I have never stopped taking my medication since then.

There is no cure for bipolar disorder. My medication gives me a chance to live a positive life but it does not free me from my symptoms completely nor does it guarantee that I will never have an acute episode again. My last full blown, psychotic manic episode was in 2010 and I was taking my medication at the time.

I still have depressive episodes but they are milder than if I wasn’t taking medication. I occasionally have mild hypomania, a less severe form of mania, but I have a routine that prevents them from getting worse. I have learned that if I get too excited about my own ideas and I am experiencing a lot of stress I will likely have a manic episode even if I am taking medication. A high level of stress will trigger a depressive episode for me.

In addition to taking my medication, I have to make lifestyle choices to maintain a level of wellness that allows me to enjoy my life. I limit my activity level to what is within my capacity. I rarely consume alcohol. I have firm boundaries in my relationships. I try to stay active. I monitor my thoughts and I attend a peer support group. I see my psychiatrist regularly and we make adjustments to my medication if necessary. If I did not maintain this routine I am sure I would have another manic or severe depressive episode.

For me, the key to finding the right medication has been playing an active role in decisions when working with my psychiatrist. There is no imaging or blood test that a psychiatrist can use to assess your symptoms. They rely on us to give them the information they need to treat our bipolar disorder. Any information about your symptoms, side effects and current stressors in your life is helpful. Taking a notebook with this information and any questions you have to your appointments can be helpful.

For friends and family, the most supportive thing you can do is show compassion by understanding we suffer from a real illness with real physical symptoms. They are not made up in our head. When you imply otherwise it makes people blame themselves for their symptoms which is demoralizing and produces unnecessary feelings of shame. This in turn drastically reduces the chances of people regaining a positive life.

I am extremely grateful that I have medication that I respond to in a positive way. This is not the case for everyone. The side effects have been difficult and have contributed to other health problems I have and the day may come when my medication will not be effective in treating my bipolar disorder. But for right now, I am fairly content with my life and psychiatric medication has made that possible.

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